"In mindfulness one is not only restful and happy, but alert and awake. Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality."
― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of
What is Meditation?
Meditation shouldn't cause discomfort, pain, anxiety, or fear. Your meditation practice should fit you and your lifestyle. Meditation is a discipline, and it does require you to create a habit, but it should not cause you distress.
What is Your Why
Start with creating your WHY for meditating. Start journaling. Discovering why you want to begin a meditation practice is essential to developing a meditation habit. Understanding our why will help you create a routine and a daily meditation habit. I came to meditation in the summer of 2020 during the COVID pandemic. I was feeling scared and hopeless. I now recognize that I was experiencing the Dark Night Of The Soul. The Dark Night Of The Soul refers to a period of your life when things seem dark, and you feel despair. However, it is the catalyst for a time of great expansion. This concept refers to a poem by the Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross during the 16th century. Joseph Campbell, a mythology specialist, states, "The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed." 1
Creating Space
Once you have your "why." it is time to start your practice. Start with creating a space in your home. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. My first meditation pillow was an oversized pillow I found at a thrift store. If sitting isn't available to you, or you cannot sit cross-legged on the floor, do not worry. You can sit in a seated or low chair with a back. I recommend a low-sitting beach chair as an inexpensive alternative to specialty meditation chairs. You can sit with your legs in front of you or behind you. You can meditate lying down in your bed or on a yoga mat. Comfort is essential here. You will be in mediation for some time, and you want to be sure you are comfortable the whole time.
You do not need to spend any money to create a meditation practice. In truth, you need nothing to start meditating. Often I meditate first thing in the morning, sitting on my bed. Beginning a meditation ritual helps many people create a daily habit. Many people find lighting incense, having crystals, or signing bowls part of their meditation practice to help set the mood for relaxation. If you wish to have a Buddha, crucifix, or other religious statue in front of you, it may give you a focal point. Other people like holding something like mala beads, rosary, or palm stone while meditating. Many enjoy meditative music playing. There are many beautiful meditation tracks that offer vibrational healing tones that complement meditation. If closing your eyes is uncomfortable, finding a focal point such as a meditation card, crystal, or candle to focus can help you anchor when your mind wanders.
Once you set up your space, you should develop your practice. It is recommended that you meditate for at least 20 minutes a day, every day. Research states that 10 minutes a day will create results, though I found between 20 and 30 minutes to be the sweet spot. In my meditation teaching course, I was taught to meditate twice daily for 20 minutes each session. I found keeping to twice a day difficult, though I feel better when I can get that second session in. Those who dedicate their lives to meditation will meditate for hours to full days at a time, and if you were to go to a meditation retreat, you might be asked to meditate for days or weeks at a time. However, in the hustle and bustle of our world, many find this impossible and will get discouraged when they feel they need to fill some quota or fit into some mold. Often I will mix informal meditation mindfulness with my formal meditation. Whether first thing in the morning as a way to set the tone for the day, in the afternoon to help yourself over the midday slump, or late evening to help you sleep, create a meditation ritual that is easy for you to stick to and feel comfortable for you to follow.
Types of Meditation
There are many types of meditation: Transcendental meditation, Zen meditation, silent meditation, mantra, guided meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, Tantra, Qigong, Primordial Sound Meditation, etc. I recommend trying out many different types of meditation to find the type or types that work best for you. Many apps, such as InSight Time, (https://insighttimer.com) have recorded guided meditations or meditative music, and YouTube has many meditation channels.
Those Who Can't Meditate
When I talk to others about my meditation practice or when clients reach out for meditation support, the most common complaint or voice of discouragement is that they claim "they can't meditate." I am here to assure you that everyone can meditate. After determining where you are within your window of tolerance, the question could be, should you meditate right now? However, once that question has been answered, all you have left is the capability to meditate. Those who are neurodivergent, those with mental health disorders, and people with intellectual or physical disabilities may have a bit more of a learning curve. They will need accommodations to meditate, and that is OK. There is no wrong way to meditate, so please release yourself from the can't for a moment and believe me. No one can clear their mind or shut off their thinking for more than a few micro-moments.
Meditation is called a practice because you don't master it; you are a student of meditation. The very moment when you realize that you are "in the gap" - and being in the gap happens, I will talk more about that in a moment, but once you realize that you are falling into the gap between thoughts and between breaths, you are no longer there. You can't simultaneously be in the gap and know you are in the gap. Knowing is thinking. It is the ability to bring yourself back to your anchor, back to your breath which is mediation. You sit, you breathe, maybe you have a mantra you think over and over, perhaps you count breaths. As you sit and focus on your anchor, your mind begins to wander. Allow it to wander. Without judgment, notice your mind wandering and be curious about where it wanders. And then, without judgment, return to your anchor. Be gentle with yourself. Do not become frustrated by your wandering thoughts, be grateful as your brain is doing what it is designed to do. You are thinking, you are experiencing, you are evaluating, and that is a beautiful thing. All you need to do is return your attention to your anchor, be it your breath, a mantra, or an object you are looking at.
Sometimes brilliant, grand, and profound thoughts will come to you as you sit. This is meditation. Take a moment to consider these ideas. Be curious about where they came from and why they are coming up. Some meditators will tell you not to break your sit to write, but writing can also be a form of meditation. Journaling is a form of meditation, and too often, if we don't get these thoughts out on paper, we continue to ruminate on them, disturbing our peace. If you can let thoughts go and return effortlessly to your anchor, then do so. Continue to sit, but if you keep getting pulled back, my advice is to pause. Keep a journal near you while you meditate so that if these thoughts and once you have them safely on paper, return to your meditation.
I recommend keeping a meditation journal. Not only will it help to create a meditation habit, but it will help you reflect on your experience. Record the date, time, and place in which you are meditating. How did you feel when you began to meditate, and how you felt as you finished? Also, note any thoughts, musings, or ideas that come through while you meditate.
The Gap
The Gap is hard to explain in words and often needs to be experienced. The gap is the fraction of a moment between the breaths, between the thoughts streaming through your consciousness. It is a silent pause where there is nothing. It is fleeting, however. The moment you realize you dropped into the gap, you have lost it and are no longer there. Many meditators experience the gap. With practice and time, you will experience it as well. There are those who seem to fall easily into the gap and those who have only experienced it a few times, and both are wonderful and normal. Chasing the gap makes it harder to experience. You need to allow the gap to happen to you; you can't force it, or will it won't happen. This is where "letting go" happens. My wise meditation teacher told us that there are only three things you need to remember when you begin your meditation practice. Let it be, Let it go, Let love in. In letting your breath and your practice just be, by letting go of expectations and thoughts of the mind, the love will naturally flow inward. You will sense that love permeates through all the mind chatter, and you will gently fall into the gap.
A few people experience a sensation that is more "out of body" than falling into the gap. This phenomenon is rare, and only some experience it. For those who do, it can be scary, especially the first time it happens. People will describe seeing their body from above or a sense of floating in the room they are in. They will clearly see themselves still in meditation, the room, and others who may also be there. Others will state that they have left the room altogether. They find themselves in a different place and can describe it in vivid detail. Others will even claim that they traveled to a different time. The mind is a wonderful and mysterious thing that can transport us to times and places unknown. If you are sensitive to such explorations, meditation may be the portal to help you get there.
Trouble with Guided Imagery
It is reported that a small portion of the population, between 3% - 5%, cannot visualize imagery in their mind. This phenomenon is called Aphantasia. Those with aphantasia essentially are without a "mind's eye." They can describe an object or place and likely could tell you facts but can not "see" it in their mind. Some studies show a connection between aphantasia and autism, and other neurodivergent disorders. 2 Those with autism, brain injury, ADD/ADHD, learning or intellectual disability, PTSD, or other neurodivergent disorders may struggle with guided imagery. If you experience any of these conditions or disorders, you can still have successful meditation; you may need to explore other forms of meditation.
Where to Get Support
There is plenty of help out there on your meditation journey. There are meditation therapists if you are dealing with trauma or mental illness and not feeling securely within your window of tolerance. YouTube and InSite Timer are wonderful resources for guided meditation and meditation courses. I received my teacher certification through Boston Buddha https://www.thebostonbuddha.com, where you can find classes and support.
Sur-Thrive Wellness offers meditation events and classes, 1:1 meditation guidance, recorded meditations, and educational support. Please reach out to Sur-Thrive for any questions or support. https://www.sur-thrivewellness.com
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